Primary School

I vaguely remember my early hears in Galton Primary school and what I do remember wasn't that fun. I remember wanting to play with the other boys in my class but just getting told to go away and if I refused I was just pushed away by the “big one” who had something against me. Where as one of them was instantly a god, for, as far as I can remember, no reason at all. It made me feel very small and lonely. Funnily enough all three of us get on fine now.

I remember the ramble for the toys when the teacher brought them out to the “knee skin graveyard” (the playground) and everyone would grab and pull stilts and hula hoops off her as if she was being raided by a bunch of ravenous baboons who frothed at the mouth and smelled like “Bold 2 in 1”.

And, ah yes, the playground, more like the battleground of wounded children who use up more plasters than a group of self-harmers. The bloody, skin coated, concrete floor of death. I’m surprised anyone managed to leave school with knees!

I remember the transfer to the other building. Primary one’s to there were in there building and when you reached Primary four you went across to the bigger school but us Primary four’s were in the “huuut”.

Primary five was a long drag of medieval lessons and French. Primary six was much more fun, I remember writing lots of stories and getting awards for them. I was also good enough to be part of the guitar class taken by Miss Kerr, a young guitar teacher fresh from university. She was quite a nervous teacher but introduced me into the world of instruments, for which I am grateful. I remember the woody, metallic mesh smell that reached your nostrils that has stayed with me.

Everyone loved our teacher for Primary six, Miss Wright, who put into simple terms was just nice. We were her first class ever as she too, like Miss Kerr was fresh out of university. She got me to love writing and told me to stick at it when she left. I never did. But just recently I have got back into it with the combined inspiration of Charlie Brooker but that’s going a bit off subject.

We came back from the summer of Primary six thinking Primary seven would be great. Wrong. Our first take of Primary seven was to write a story about what you did in the summer. Everyone completely failed. We were shouted at for the whole school to hear. Why everyone failed, I don’t know. It may have been because everyone made themselves a new heart in Primary six for Miss Wright, that was now broken, shattered like a fallen chandelier.

Primary seven perked up after that. We got “duties”. It was ace, well, some duties were. I loved “door duty”. I've always loved medieval type stuff and this made me feel like a Roman guard getting to choose who came in and who didn't. Then you got duties like cleaning up everyone’s tray in the dinner hall. There was a big bin like bowl where all the leftovers got scrapes into that smelled vile and looked like a pig’s future dinner, which it probably was eventually. Or ours.

Primary seven was full of fun memories and occasional bad, for example the custard was delicious, I’m not even gonna attempt to create a metaphor – that’s how delicious it was. And bad memories, like regretting not going on the one week trip to York. I miss primary. Leaving your bag in, playing with toys and the general friendliness of it all.

I think some of my primary school teachers may have inspired me enough to become a primary school teacher myself because I enjoyed it so much. In Primary seven there are a lot less people and it really makes you feel like part of the class, also just having the one teacher, you really grown on them. It’s just such a close friendly atmosphere where everyone has their own role, such as the “class clown” or the “drama queen”. If I could go back I would have changed my role from the depressing sod to something more cheery, if only I could.

Ipod Apps

Their well shouted slogan is absolutely true. Drinking games, capital cities, public toilet locate. You essentially have the power every eight year old boy has wanted as some point, you just don't have to say "Go gadget..." With the vast 300,000 apps available to the iPhone there are games, word processors, doodle applications just about everything. The slogan cannot be stressed anymore with some of their apps even including More cowbell, n on screen tap to here the sound of a cowbell. Cigar puff where you can smoke an on screen cigar. And of course i mirror which is basically just the iPhone screen when locked. I should think that one is free. The apps can be great decision makers though, random number generator, drinking games and what to wear. Also the spit or swallow app. From weird to wonderful to plane useless there is an app for almost everything.

Decorating

Getting ready to wallpaper the living room and have hit a brick wall. The two fatal decisions ahead of us are as follows. The colour of wallpaper and paint. Narrowing it down to whit/cream, you would think gives you two options. You'd be mistaken. Take a walk into the world of dulux where everything is not quite right. Four pages of cream white and off white they are shades of the same thing but their are 24 different options for said colours. Is it possible that beige should allowed to be brought never mind in sixteen variations form magnolia to nude glow. You buy the paint after months or panic of which shade of white you want to open the paint to find it's yellow.

USA

I sometimes wonder if the reason that America is so much more patriotic than us Brits is their inspirational leaders. There is alot of patriotism towards Churchill and his fine words but if we had someone of that caliber of such fine words such charisma. Here is what I'm talking about enjoy the link below.... www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6NS9unm-OQ If the above link doesn't work type into YouTube... Don't tell me words don't matter- Obama BEST speech yet!

Grenade

Getting pretty sick of these jokes about Bruno mars hit song floating around twitter and facebook. I realised as i just made one and now am eternally in shame. the jokes are poor and its so much hype over what is clearly a metaphor. The thing that is starting to really get on my nerves is every song speaks in metaphor and no one feels the compulsion to pick up on this, however every one has jumped on the band wagon with this one. I tell you what is worse than the poor jokes but the dedications to Bruno Mars by love sick people..."Bruno you shouldn't have to catch grenades for her, I'll love you." Have you heard anything so needy and pathetic it is starting to drive me to insanity. The countless facebook groups an several tweets has become to much.

Soap Operas

An oxymoron in itself. I come today with an instalment on my opinions on the soap's. Where to even start, firstly sit yourself down it's nearly seven o clock, best not miss today's instalment or you may not guess the over predictable storyline and the flawless acting. Once you have sat down take a journey to a land where everyone in the Town knows everyone and the town and it's inhabitants all Circe around the local pub. Not one week can go by without the plot building to rape, murder or adultery. Perhaps i am not living an exciting enough life because my life isn't jam packed with all of the above. People escaping from prison, fleeing the country and forging Visa's has anyone noticed in the real world that shit just don't happen. When was the last time anyone got away with that kinda thing. I guess that's because there isn't a CSI Weatherfield that it's easy enough to merely run away to France. In one series of hollyoaks many years ago a storyline involved a man not able to let the passing of his mother go ands he had kept her body in his house. Sad but true unfortunately this could happen but what are you doing crowding round the television to watch it? The soap cynic can soon be turned against their will though, don't sit down to criticize and laugh at their expense you will soon be drawn in by flawless plot line and on edge acting. A public warning stay away from soaps; try reading a book.

Singing Satirists

Whilst this subject might seem something that is trivial or not in popular demand, it is something which i thoroughly enjoy and would suggest that you look up. Who am i talking about, people like Tom Lehrer, Roy Zimmerman, Bo Burnham, The Amateur Transplants and the Lonely Island. The list is a mile long and many good comics go unmentioned. However this is something you should go forth and re search, political social even economic satire is produced by all of the above. So go forth and enjoy a great love of mine. This type of comedy is my favourite at the moment and does show an example of the revolutionary power of the Internet. Alot of comics whom wouldn't have even been heard of have managed to rise to power through the power of YouTube and other various sites including twitter and Blogger. This kind of comedy that is only on the Internet wouldn't have been available twenty years ago. The power of the Internet doesn't stop at influencing seasonal charts, god save rage against the machine. Look up these satirists and enjoy.

Scotland and Sport

A country often slandered for it's sporting efforts has been subjected more than it's fair share. I'm referring to Scotland as you will have established. It was 1998 the last time we qualified for the world cup and have had a fair share of failure in Rugby. Sporting failure is rife apparently.

But what about Andy Murray and Chris Hoy they are great successes in the sporting world and have done the nation proud. It is not just today but throughout sporting history we have had outstanding individuals Jack Nichols acclaimed golfer and Kenny Dalglish the Liverpool legend.

This seems strange that producing such figures has still managed to ascertain such a reputation. Notice the coloration all individuals. We are unable to put together a successful team of athletes. As individuals we are supreme but together there is no chance. it would only take one team victory though say at the world cup to unite Scottish sporting pride and we would reign famous for fifty years to come. Or do we not have the same thoughts as our neighbours to the south?

The irony of war

Something which has come to my attention is some more than ironic phrases associated with war that i keep hearing, Friendly Fire and Civil War being a some of the more ironic ones.

Tell you whats really ironic invading a nation to bring them freedom. The conflict in Afghanistan has reached the point where it no longer the retaliation to a terrorist attack. In that whilst it would be beneficial to pull the troops for the good of our economy. We have reached the stage where this has become impossible because the public need a justification for money spend and lives lost. However whilst the conflict continues the two things which are stopping a pull out of troops is increasing the need for a justification.

It is it ever possible to leave or should we quit while we're... behind? To be honest we should journey on and seek victory in stabilising the government and armed forces of nation. However it should be duly noted that pulling out to soon, when the country seems to be at peace with it's self could just lead to civil war.

Scotland

Scotland certainly would be seen a few times if "A History of the World" was ever written. IT would be noted down for things such as whisky, Robert Burns and haggis. It would be noted down for the "auld" Scottish clans, William Wallace and the defiance against the English. But in modern times it would be noted down for its alcoholism, teenage mothers, obesity and knife crime.

Because I live in Scotland, and have done all my life, I don't know how our "bonnie wee" country s viewed around the world. I have been told in places such as America and Canada, Scots are treated as royalty. Is that really the case? Are our (ex) colonies still glad to see us when we get into JFK Airport with our kilts, sporrans and bagpipes?

Personally, I am part of a re-enactment group, who, for the Scottish side of things, historically educate our audiences on the rebellious Jacobite and government ordeal. I am told that audiences outside Scotland love the battles and Scottish Lore.

There is that fun loving side of Scotland but in modern day society, where does that all fit into the dark, damp west coast of Scotland? It doesn't. For Scotland today is contributing to the UK's record of "The most teenage mums in Europe". And if you were to collect all the cigarette butts in Scotland, you could probably bury Glasgow. Twice.

Scotland may be famous for its distilleries but thats just made a bunch of alcoholic toothless 40-somethings who are all on there second or third liver and will be lucky to make it past 59. Even though they have great grandchildren.

Scotland. Apparently the home of football. At least we can use that title to excuse our football team of today. Alas, we beat France recently (not that they're good anymore) and we managed to get a goal against current world champions, Spain, but then lost. We have a friendly against Brazil later this month, why don't they just hit every player in the squad between the legs with a rake? It has now become a comical joke in Scotland about our hopes of football. Just look at the SPL. Remember the Irn Bru advert during last year's World Cup? "Bruzil 2034"? It's a joke! And even when we rarely get into the World Cup we end up with Portugal, Argentina and Brazil.

And what is it with the Conservatives being able to rule us? We have one conservative constituency. At least the Scottish Government can overrule some Westminster legislation, and what a joke they are.

Scotland also has an obesity problem. Nice to know we're known for "Deep Fried Mars Bars".

Scotland does have decent heritage. Many men abroad who have Scottish ancestors wear kilts at special occasions. KoRn's lead singer, Jonathan Davis, famously wears a Kilt to his gigs for his Scottish ancestory. "Best small country in the world"? With the record I've just listed, too right!

Social Networking

I'm predominately referring to Facebook. It's seems that half the world is on Facebook. You can literally, find anyone on there. The things people will upload knows no limit of obscenity or stupidity. From status updates on people's dinner or bikini holiday snaps. Then you've got the opportunity to click the like button and flag people activity you appreciate, apparently its faux par to like all of one persons holiday photo's where she remains half naked.

Status updates is the big thing (next to pervy holiday snaps.) And all these updates are put into a colage of called a 'news reel.' To be frank it's probably the collection of the least news worthy things known to man. A concoxtion of song lyrics, confessions of over zealous love lifes and pointless information. It's like a very unwitty version of twitter.

Every one persists to moan about Facebook (yes i'm not alone) but we've fallen into a trap of moaning about it, whilst making it our second love. With every detail of everyone's life recorded upon it, it would be the optimum method of government control. They just need to seize those records. If they haven't yet. I don't mean to sound like a conspiracy theorist really i don't. but i should go incase someone is watching.

MP's Scandle

Genuinely, why is there a big deal on this? MP's should be given a reasonable limit and if they go over that should be fined or/and jailed. Especially if they go in excess of £200,000 per year like one Falkirk MP, Eric Joyce. Really, using tax payers money to claim for three oil paintings worth £180 each. When asked why he claimed for these he replied "Because they look nice for people who come in to my home". Really? Which home? Your 1st or 2nd? If he's using tax payers money for this, everyone in Scotland should come into his home and have a look at these and if they aren't impressed, which will by the way be the majority have the legal right to punch him in the dick.

Tweeting

Find us both on twitter Xander832 and jbpenquin

Clegg and his hypocrisy

Does anyone recall the Liberal Democrats pre-coalition? I'm starting to think I'm the only one. The Sky News Leaders debates is a prime example, to justify the title of this post. At which time they paraded proudly with their flagship policy of free university. The promise of no rises to education fees. The Lib Dem's managed to conjure up unprecedented amounts of support. To this one boast and they hope that the would be a refreshing change form the 'Old Parties.' A phrase which became perhaps overused by the party leader. If nothing else they gave people hope of a referendum of politics . However at the first sniff of power he sailed his morals down the river quicker than ever expected. Was this his end game all along was Nick Clegg always to become a disappointment or perhaps he was a sniveling politician all along whom is more crooked than a question mark.

At the first chance of power he jumped straight into Cameron's boat happy to drink the Devil's drink. The hope for politicians is once and truly dead. Again.

Cameron and his Cuts

Has anyone thought to themselves that the many cuts have yet to effect the PM and his band of merry thieving bandits. I am not surprised to see the crushing of the working class, and the slashing of the public sector. However the House of Commons has remained bullet proof. We are yet to see the removal of any member o f government due to cut backs, nor any reparations. After the illicit expenses scandal, perhaps the government should put their hand into their own pockets instead. Rather than expecting everyone else to keep their head above water in this economic crisis they could perhaps pay back some money that they owe. Whilst the public struggle to hold onto their family home the MP's could stop worrying about their second home. However it seems, whilst we proceed to drown in the river of economic crisis. The conservatives and their many followers are protected by the higher river banks of wealth and middle class. We have indulged into a culture of crediting the wrong the banks take a dive and accumulate billions of pounds in debt and we reward them with a hefty bonus. I pray that the reward for the cut backs is not to re vote the bandits on blue.

Gay Marriage

There is a huge anti gay marriage campaign in certain states of America. What i don't understands as why does it matter. Surely everyone has the right to be unhappy? Why does it matter whether we live in a world with same sex marriage. It seems highly ironic to me that the backbone against gay marriage is the Mormons. A group of people who cannot live in world where gay marriage is because it's unfaithful and against god. I find it most amusing that the group on the moral high ground about marriage are practise's of polygamy. I find this highly ironic, and hypocritical that they preach about the sanctity of marriage, when the should actually be preaching about the sanctity of marriages. Perhaps an attitude of freedom and self tolerance would do them a big favour.

Warning

Watched this film the other night. As my friends proclaim is the sickest movie ever. I should have listened it not only was it crap, lacking a decent ending, and it was totally disgusting. What the fuck were they thinking when they wrote it. Stay as far away from it as possible folks its the possible the worst film ever. The Human Centipede.

Football

Football Commentators are always making comments that can be taken the wrong way. They distribute so many statements every game that if you weren't paying such close detail to the match you might just hear a few. For example; the defender comes out on top, he's got two in the middle, he's enjoying going down today. the list goes on and on. The first one I pointed out probably would've got me a job working at the sun after the Terry and Bridge fiasco. All these sexual undertones, does make me think was it any wonder that their was such uproar, after one game with a female lines woman. Andy Gray however did take it a step further than sexual undertones. A perhaps invalid argument I've been hearing is that everyone was thinking it. This may be true but not everyone was broadcasting it on Sky Sports 1.

Reading books virtually.

1. First off, what is the point of this.

The Sun

Sticking with the theme of the news I'm talking about the newspaper. A recent edition of the Sun which i happened to catch the front page of managed to cement in my mind that i should avoid it in future. This was the day the VAT increased to twenty percent and the day after Pete Posslewaite died. Two things i think that are more than news worthy. These two stories swamped all the papers not another story was in sight until i come across this paper. The angle The Sun had taken was in direction of former Britain's fattest man who had lost 30 stone and had found love. I can't even comprehend how this story would reach a news paper let alone the font page. Perhaps I'm being harsh this is a news paper that usually takes a running commentary of Cheryl Cole's life as it's front page. An actual front page of this paper was that Cheryl Cole had dyed her hair. Well thank goodness they published this story because otherwise i would've missed it and my life would now be incomplete. The front page sets the standards for the rest of the paper and if this is what they're writing about i wouldn't bother with it in future.

Money For Nothing

Money For Nothing. A classic rock song you may, or may not have heard. It's your average rock eighties rock song. A random thought to start on perhaps; I was watching the eight o' clock news the other night and the story which really stuck out to me was that this song had been banned in Canada. Why? i hear you ask, well it says the word faggot a few times. So it has been banned on the radio, this wouldn't really be anything out of the ordinary if it wasn't for the fact that Money For Nothing was realised in 1985. How on earth has this come to the attention of the Canadian government, have they got nothing else to discuss? Is nothing going on in Canada that the political correctness of classic rock songs is the most important thing. Come on guys seriously. I like to think that they were discussing plans on how to aid the US government or something of similar importance when an MP's phone rang and the room fell silent. After about twenty seconds of silence one MP has the courage and says "Did they just say faggot?"

That's all I really have to say about this I'm still in shock

Welcome

Welcome all new readers. This includes everyone as we are kick starting this blog. Let me tell you a little about us; I will be bringing my thoughts will be about the news and current events and my cousin and Co founder will be letting us know exactly what gets him ticked off. Stay tuned for over thought opinions on nothing that's important.